Greatest Trash Talks in the History of War

Sparta, the Third Sacred War

The Situation: Sometimes the best trash talk is uttered in reply to someone else’s trash talk.

Which brings us to Philip II of Macedon, the Sith-lord-like father of Alexander the Great, who possessed such an insatiable appetite for war and conquest that the Fates cursed his legacy by having Val Kilmer play him in Alexander.

After maxing out his army’s tech tree and throwing his enormous weight around in the Third Sacred War, Philip turned his eye toward the oiled abs of Sparta. So, in 346 B.C., he decided he would do a little smack-talking of his own to the Spartans:

“You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army on your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people and raze your city.”

The Spartans answered:

“If.”

The Aftermath:

Sure enough, it never happened. Both Philip II and his son Alexander ended up spending the remainder of their military careers fighting as far away from Sparta as humanly possible.